Sunday, November 2, 2008

I Really Have to Stop Reading My Spam E-mail

I've been so consumed with the presidential campaign that I haven't taken the time to engage in the self-absorption that I promised when I began this journal. Let me remedy that oversight right now.

My spam email today contained this little gem: Why Didn't He Call You? Your Nov 2 Dish. From the subject line, I thought that maybe the email was in reference to cooking; but no, it was yet another email about my love life or lack of one.

The intro to the email proclaimed that I was receiving the "free dating advice newsletter" because I subscribed at the sender's web site, (she indicates that her name is Paige), Dating Without Drama.

Sometimes I misplace my keys and just today, I asked my sister to telephone me so that I could find my cell phone, but I'm pretty certain that I did not subscribe to Paige's web site. For one thing, I like drama in everything so I certainly wouldn't want to date without drama.

If you're wondering about the "dish" part, well it has nothing to do with cooking. Paige entitles her publication, Dating Dish Newsletter. As this issue was dated November 2, I assume that unless I click that "unsubscribe" link, I will be receiving sage advice from Paige on a regular basis.

My curiosity (or perhaps dating desperation) led me to check out Paige's website where she promised all sorts of insights: men's 6 secret commitment fears exposed, 11 simple secrets to attracting men, the calling game decoded, and my personal favorite, how to decode men's behavior.

Before getting started on all of these topics, I decided to accept the invitation to take the "Understanding Men" quiz. It only had five questions and promised that Paige would review my responses and send me a personal analysis. I quickly selected my answers, entered my email address, and error message. I tried again and click...another error message. I felt alone and abandoned as I realized that I would not be receiving personal advice from Paige and I would never know if I understood men.

I decided not to wallow in my abandonment, and I clicked on the link to order Paige's opus on capturing men, oops, I mean dating! I encountered an even longer list of promised insights. In addition, Paige offered me three books free of charge. All I had to do was send her $24.95 for an e-copy of Dating Without Drama and I, too, could become a man magnet! However, if I really want to achieve a fun, flirty, and fabulous love life, I also have to accept a 30 day trial copy of Paige's CD, "You Ask, Men Answer." The CD will help me understand exactly how men think and calm my fears. If I like the first CD, I get to keep it. (Darn that Paige, she is generous to a fault!) In addition, every month, I will receive a new CD and be charged just $19.95 for it.

After giving it some thought, I have realized that I am not certain that I want men or their secrets to be exposed and I just don't have fears that need calming. However, I appreciate Paige's thoughtfulness. In closing her email, she promised to write again soon and identified herself as my friend. I feel so loved.

Note to Paige: I appreciate the friendly advice but I think that Aretha sums it all up so much better.

Do Right Woman, Do Right Man

Take me to heart and I’ll always love you
And nobody can make me do wrong
Take me for granted, leaving love unshown
Makes will-power weak and temptation strong

A woman’s only human
You should understand
She’s not just a plaything
She’s flesh and blood just like her man

If you want a do-right-all-day woman
You’ve got to be a do-right-all-night man

They say that it’s a man’s world
Well you can't prove that by me
And as long as we’re together baby
Show some respect for me



Yasmin said...

I suspect that you will survive without Paige's advice, I too often recieve these kinds of e-mails, and like you unless I hand over cold hard cash, I will never know the deep dark secrets of the male species, which in some cases are better left undiscovered LOL, the best free advice I was given on how to keep a man is to "Pickle Him"

I'd much rather listen to Aretha!

Take care


Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Thanks for not falling for Paige's advice. I have checked my decoder ring, and my secret handshake logs, and she has not been accepted as a man. She may have such proclivities, and have pulled the wool over the eyes of a male weakling, but such a person may not be a full representative of our species.

We have many secrets, and cannot be reduced (seduced??) in five easy steps or questions (six maybe, but not five!).

Good for you for vowing to ignore such baseless and uninformed (or is that uniformed) advice :o)

Saltydawg said...

Trust me, women know all there is to know about men. It's men that don't understand women ;-)
Gaz xxxx

Marie said...

I think you already have all the qualities and secrets to finding a man worthy of your attentions. You are witty, intelligent, kind and loving, and quite quite funny and entertaining. In short you are a treasure! True gold, not fools gold. You will find a partner one day and it will be worth the wait I am sure. XXOO

gina said...

a delightful and entertaining post. advice like paige's you don't just need the right venue to meet others. there's a club near me that's called lunch complete your personal profile and they set you up with a date for lunch to meet...and you decide if you want to date further. i just can't imagine you not finding someone as you are so witty, intelligent and passionate. :)

Marc said...

If you didn't understand men, you'd be with one.
As for Aretha, she's had an awful love life. But who needs a man with art like that?

The Urban Perspective said...

You did the right thing NOT sendin in your money. I don't think any amount of money will ever help you understand men :) (At least me anyways LOL)
Love the Aretha tune.... one of my faves.

Leigh said...

You are so lucky to get interesting spam like that. All I get are ads for jobs on craig's list, prepaid credit cards and online mechanics schools.
:) Leigh

Des's big daddy said...

What was it we did for amusement before spam? I gave up trying to understand myself a long time ago.

Beth said...

Why do *I* keep getting offers for Viagra, or to increase the size of my member? I wonder if Paige has the answer to THAT question?

Love, Beth

Alan said...

I thought that dating was supposed to be when you explored the secrets you want exposed. If that led to a better place you had the rest of life to discover and learn. Of course, I never read the Dumb Guys Guide to Dating, so I could be wrong.

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